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Introduction to our blog

A few words 'bout our blog Greetings, visitors! We decided to create a blog concerning mental illnesses, and just about everything...

About us

About Christina


My name is Christina Vlasinova. I am one of the administrators of our blog. And I would like to tell you something ´bout my life.

When I was 3 and a half years old, my older brother (who was 6 years old at the time) died. He was an amazing person, born comedian, who loved to play hokey and to look after me... Then, one day, while we were travelling by car, he suddenly passed out... We immediately took him to the hospital. They did everything in their power... Unfortunately, that was the last time I saw him... Later on, my parents told me, that he went up in heaven, and that he'll never come back...
A few years passed, in which I felt incredibly lonely... My parents were always at work.

I don't know whether you have siblings or not. If you do, you probably feel, like you have no privacy. That they keep bothering you and you never have time for yourself... If you don't have siblings, you are probably used to entertain yourself.and you've come to terms with it, 'cause you've never had anyone else, who would keep you busy. But I've lived 3 and a half years in the company of my beloved brother. He played with me, entertained me... And suddenly, I had to get used to not having him anymore... Not having anyone to play with, and to be alone all the time.

Well, anyways this went on a few years, I went to elementary school, and got through somehow. Then I got to high school. I wasn't used to learning much, cause elementary was a walk in the park for me, in this regard.

But high school was harder. Way harder, then I imagined. So I started getting bad marks. My parents found me a tutor, and slowly, my marks went up. I was working very hard, to have as many A's as possible. But I still had trouble with getting all A's, and my parents were never happy with me. I "still could have better grades" and I could "still try harder".

And so I started living two lifes. One in school, where I was acting like I am the coolest person, so I would have friends, and second at home, where I would relieve my stress by crying my heart out. And, hell, it worked for such a long time! I worked for such a long time... But I was so tired. It weared me out. I had no strenght. But there was no way out...

And there came the year 2016. It started the same, as any other year... Sometime in march, I had to say goodbye to my dear friend dog and in june, to my cat. It was so hard... Then came the july and august, and I had so much work, that I had no time to relax. The whole September was so stressful, that I have no idea, how I survived it. I somehow got through october, and then came november. And I finally had a mental break down...

I was fed up with everything. I just couldn't take it anymore! I wrote a letter to my parents, explaning some of my feelings and troubles, and finally!!! my parents started to do something. But... It wasn't going to be as easy as that... I was at the end of my rope, and needed a quicker solution. I was at the very bottom. I just couldn't exist anymore! So I decided to commit suicide. I wrote a suicide note and planned to give everyone one last chance, by setting the date on the very day, I had a meet up with a psychiatrist. I thought that, if they couldn't help me, no one could...

And as you can see, I'm still here, alive and well. I survived. And I am currently being treated for a depressive epizode, with suicidal thoughts. And am here, with my awesome friend Monika, to provide you with as much informations as we can. And to give you the support that you, or maybe your loved ones need.

My name is Christina Vlasinova. I am 16 years old. And you can turn to me with any kind of question, plead, or just so you have someone to confide in, when you need it the most.



About Monika

My name is Monika Malachová and I'm an administrator of this blog just like Christina. Otherwise I'm an an unique 17-year-old person with many differences, illnesses and specific conditions.

I'm autistic, I have OCD, I suffer from symptoms of depersonalization and derealization and I definitely experience one of the mood disorders. I'm just unsure which one I actually have. I personally believe I'm bipolar even though my doctors don't share this opinion with me.

I don't feel neither like a girl nor like a boy, I simply identify as a human being. To sound more like an expert, I'm agender. I also don't feel sexual attraction to anybody, so I'm asexual and I don't have any need for romantic relationship which means I'm aromantic as well.

I've been different than the others since my birth, in many directions and cases. According to my parents statements, I had spent my first 2 months in this world by inconsolable crying. I myself carry memories since I was 2-year-old. My memories form the childhood are scary and dark. I remember this period of my life as the darkest, full of fear and pain. I've perceived myself like a stranger since my birth, exactly like an alien who fell on the Earth by accident. I constantly suffered from anxiety and horrible fears. 

Even though I've excelled by a great vocabulary since early childhood, I've always had troubles starting conversation with other kids . I was unsure how to address them  and how to participate in their games which were quite pointless from my perspective. I've likely been too different to understand people around me and to be understood by them. 

I became an easy target for bullying with all my differences at my first elementary school. I was bullied mentally and physically as well. I experienced 3 horrible years while the third one was definitely the worst.

I finally started attending another elementary school, partly due to bullying, partly due to moving into another part of the town. I was supposed to go to the 4th class. The bright and strong thought appeared in my head before I went to that new school for the first time. I simply concluded that there must be something very very wrong with me if children hurt me and that I have to became another person, that I had to change all my life. I strove for that change all the time at school, without any success, of course. Finally, I completely withdrew into myself. I was always alone, sitting in the desk, without friends. 

Then, I started attending grammar school, where I finally found real friends, for the first time in my life. However, my mental health issues were slowly increasing during that time. I suffered from depressive episodes which came and then went away, like in a circle. I experienced euphoric outbursts when I was full of energy, doing things behind my personal limits in the meantime between depressive episodes. 

My mental health got rapidly worse in April 2016, just before a planned holiday in Marocco. I exactly remember how anxious and depressed I was. Since this moment, it was a downward spiral.

I found out I'm autistic during holidays 2015, however I came out with that information to my parents much later, up at the beginning of the school year 2017, at the time when I started attending the third grade. My parents sent me for a diagnosis immediately and the psychologist confirmed I'm really autistic. I brought me a huge relief. Suddenly I wasn't the bad and the weird one, I was autistic!

However, even that confirmed diagnosis couldn't avert my growing mental health problems. I end up hospitalized in the mental hospital in Bohunice, Brno, concretely on the children's department 21. That all happened on the very beginning of this calendar year.

I'm already out of the hospital after 2 months spent there. However, my mental state is still getting worse and worse step by step. Even though, I still don't lose hope. If anybody of you, dear readers, need some kind of help, need to make sure of your diagnosis, speak about your problems, ask any possible question or just open your heart to somebody, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm always here for you!

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